soapboxdiner

The way we were

So I'm very confused about what to do with this one particular friend of mine.

Here, let me 'splain that, Lucy. See, once upon a time roughly about at the beginning of summer, Friend told me about this free website for El Dating. And because I live in a hermetically sealed caccoon of boringness that my wee little budding wings are pressing against for escape, I said to me, "Free + Boys = Cool".

Because I have high standards in dating criteria like that.

So I go on the website and set up a profile and about two weeks later, double-o-daddy rocking a guitar on stage popped up on my matches.

Now some women will swoon over a man's financial success. Some over his community affiliations or service. Some are sentimental while other women, much like myself, are entirely drawn to how much soda shoots out their noses when they are exposed to unexpected humor.

D00d was really funny. So I wrote him and said, "I would tell you that I love you, but that would be creepy."

Ah, love.

So we talked, then we met, then I told my friend about the meeting. And she said, "Oh, I've been talking to him for months. He's nice."

And I made this face:

And then I told her I wouldn't see him again. "No, no, no," she says. "He's nice and all, but I'm not interested in him romantically. If you like him, date him." Well then, OK.

Anyways, so D00d and I have both since deleted our profiles, and Friend has been coyly batting her eyelashes at all the homeless mama's boys in need of a sugar mama that chronically prowl the site in search of their next love connection. And then she gets attached, gets scared of her emotions or figures out they are using her, punches them in the balls, and then wonders why she's still all alone in the world.

Wash. Rinse. Re-fucking-peat for the past four years of our friendship.

GET A CLUE, sister. I love you and all, but you make horrible choices in men who are WAY outside your own lifestyle and goal orientation, then drop them like lepers after you've allowed them to work their con job on you. Duh. Yeah, you're disappointed and disillusioned, but step up and accept a little responsibility by recognizing your pattern of behavior just might be contributing.

Oh, and stop the whining and do something about it if you don't like it. For realsies.

So anyways. Saturday afternoon I give her a call to invite her out for pho. She said she'd need to get ready. Honestly, I told her, it's just pho. Wash your face, comb your hair, and let's go.

So I get half way to her house and she calls and cancels. "I have to go pick up the grandbabies and take them home," she says.

"Well, can you wait 5 minutes? I'll be there in 5 minutes, then we can take care of the babies. In an hour they'll be with their mother and we'll be lounging in the sun sipping mojitos."

But no. She's already left the house, she claims. "I'll call you in an hour."

And FIVE hours later, she does call. Only now I was getting ready for a date with D00d.

"Oh, so things are going really good with you two, huh? Wow, you never used to go out so much. Well, you said you wanted for us to get together, but since you have other plans now, I'll just go get a movie and go home. By myself. That's all right though, because I have a date in the morning. He's a nurse. We've been talking for a week or two. He wants to take me away for the weekend. I don't know about breakfast though. He's working tonight so he might not be able to make it in the morning. We'll see."

1. You're full of shit.

2. Why are you trying to give ME a guilt trip when YOU are the one who stood me up?

3. I'm sorry. Are you jealous that I'm happy dating D00d? Or are you just angry that you took a pass out of your own defective judgment?

4. I have known you for a long time. I think the world of you. You are a fabulous woman. BUT you seem to forget how many times you've detailed for me your list of dating rules. You never go on more than one date per week with the same person. First dates are a quick coffee. If you just met this man a couple weeks ago, you would not be anywhere NEAR the stage of going away with him for a weekend.

Since D00d, you have told me about you dating six different men. Three of which you told me, "wanted to take you away for the weekend." Funny, because so far, you haven't gone anywhere.

So I get it. It's a fantasy for you. You want it. You honestly deserve it. But you date workaholics who don't make time to see you, or you date men who defraud Social Security by claiming disabilities so they can live in their mothers' basements and drive Escalades.

So you make up stories and lie to my face, then get upset when I don't call you three times a week (which I have never done), but then WITHOUT FAIL, cancel on me when I do call to make plans.

So please, tell me what you want from me, Friend. But the funniest part about that is, you'll never get honest with me. Not because you're afraid of a good fight, but because you'd rather sulk and pout and be passive agressive because I'm supposed to magically know what sin that I've committed offends you. Well, I could probably give you a grocery list of my sins. But I just don't want to play your victim games.

10:09 pm - 09.08.08
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