soapboxdiner

Mikey doesn't like this, bitch

Dating again is very weird, and I'm not entirely sure I like it. I'm equally not entirely sure I don't like it.

See, I'm used to going out on one or two dates, determining right away if the sparks are there, and then steaming full bore into almost couplehood. Spending the free moments of my day thinking about some snippit of deep conversation, some witty bit of double entendre tossed out lightly with a lobsided smirk and a wink, some magical moment of totally in-synch laughter or the tingles from what we did in the dark last night.

I both like and enjoy the together and the anticipation of together. Immensely.

I like that Wood holds the doors open for me. I like it when he greets me with a big, dimply smile and all his attention on me. I like when he kisses me. I like that he is totally focused on building his career. I like that he is careful and meticulous. I love that he's honest, funny, down to earth, and attentive.

But I really don't like that I'm the one who is just squeezed into the two or three free hours he has a week. I don't like that those two or three hours have simmered down to between 10:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m. on Friday nights, which are his sleeping hours between his back-to-back double shifts at work. I don't like that we can talk about his line of work, joke about me doing his laundry and making him pancakes, or his p0rn collection, but as soon as I bring up going to see the Louvre exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum or anything remotely having to do with my philosophical beliefs, he's suddenly tired and has to get off the phone so he can sleep.

So it all kind of boils down to, am I OK with calling the rose by its name - for now? After all, it's only been a couple of months. It's not like the perpetual deadend. AND he sucks my toes and kisses the inside of my knees. That alone could be worth it. As Campbells says, mm-mm, DAMN that's good!

But the thing is, is that where this is going? Is that what I have to look forward to? Do I get to be the designated Friday night fuck? I don't know. I've asked. He's assured me it isn't. I've offered other activities and shared that I would like to do something standing up.

I've been assured that I focus too much on it, and been instructed to play the hard-to-get card. "Sorry, Wood, I can't see you Friday night. I have other plans. Are you free another night?" or "Oh, I would love to get together, but I went out last night. I'm really tired tonight."

The funny thing is, when I tell him I've gone out, he always makes sure to ask if it was with another man.

My feeling is, he's probably really damn comfortable right now and has no motivation to give this more of his attention. See, I don't like that.

Anyways, the SIL sat me down tonight and made me browse Craigslist for someone else to meet. I emailed a couple guys. Maybe, I don't know.

I've never been one to juggle men, but have been informed that every girl needs a back-up buddy/partner in crime.

All I know is I'm way out of my comfort zone.

9:25 pm - 03.03.08
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