soapboxdiner

Revelations and epiphanies in glib one-liners

Uh, hi. How are ya? Long time no typey typey in here but what can I say? I've been extremely busy with oodles of personal growth epiphanies and such.

I'm as shocked and disturbed by this turn of events as you are. Um hm.

So, you might be wondering about all these gradiose revelations I've been having, hm? Well, how's about I share? Wouldn't that be nifty and clever?

So, I've mentally calculated down to the millicent how I wish to spent my hard earned and wrongly GOVERNMENT STOLEN tax refund monies. You see, I'm thinking it would be just swell to at last pay off the $1200 I have owed Sears since 1997, and the $700 I still owe on the car, get the breaks fixed on said car, sock some funds away for a summer vacation here for the kid and myself, and then, just for personal betterment, buy myself this stunning thing of beauty.

And maybe, once all the monkeys fly out of my butt, there might be room in there for me to pull all that cash hencefrom.

But that really wasn't entirely epiphanous, was it?

Anyways, so I have been spending much time thinking about the the course of things thus far in my life, and true to the propoganda of the new year season, have been thinking about alterate points of view that will make be a better human being and give me all the joy and happiness and independent wealth and appeal I rightly deserve. Then it hit me! You know, all these years I've felt all dirty from the Summer of Hooch? Well, I've forgiven myself! Is that not fabulous? All this time I've beat myself up over the nameless menfolk I gave my sweet sweet enduring loving to? All these years I've believed said nameless menfolk who told me in words and actions that I was not worthy? Well, I decided they were just contemptable jerks who didn't deserve my sweet sweet enduring love! Those nights when I walked in the door after long hours both working my two fast food jobs and attending high school - only to have my drunken roommate come home with strange men who we would then sexxx up (one a piece, sickos, it wasn't that kind of party)? Well, they were really nothing more than order in libido relievers! They didn't even ever acquire do-over status. They weren't the DiGuorno, they were just the delivery! Thank GOD I've finally made peace with that. I can truly attest to what a better person that realization has made me.

Like, when The Man in Scrubs and I catch each other off guard now and we have to stop for awkward unwanted polite conversation? And I stick my foot in my mouth because he's kinda cute (but not truly lickably hot anymore) and I have this horrible habit of getting all tongue-tied and drooly around cute guys I find lickable? Well, instead of sticking my foot in my mouth and getting all drooly and pitiful, instead I just smile coyly as I say hellogoodbye, all the while singing in my head, "tralala. I don't want your hot sexy bod anymore, because now that I've talked with you and the mystery is all gone and you really don't do it for me like you did before you opened your big fat stupidhead mouth and killed all the smart and witty vibes you put out. Now I've already mentally stripped you down, sexed you up, dried you off, and kicked your a-ass ow-out! So buhbye now, Mr. Man In Scrubs. Take care, He Who Wasn't Even Delivery. Love don't love ya, pimp. Yeah. Don't hate the player, dogg. You'll be ah'ight."

Do you see how much better these newfound revelations have made me as a person? It's truly staggering, isn't it?

And that is really it on the "love life" front. No current infatuations with which to drive me insane with over thought. However, the Good Neighbor recently turned the big 2-8, so we spent the last two Saturday nights out in celebration. Much fun was had dancing and karoating (heaven help, I swear the Baby Got Back switch-up from Brick House made me do it against all my better judgment). Her Jamaican love thang told me he wanted to "fuck me", which I can assure you was an admission that I truly did not need to hear, because I had to kick his ASS for being such a dick on GNs B-day. Following ass-kicking, the "Aztec lover" with whom I'd been exchanging glances all night, came up and kissed my hand, bought me a drink, and wondered off for a pen so we could get together later to "just cuddle". But he never came back and I was heartbroken and ruined in my dejection for all of... umm... 10 seconds. He did make me laugh though, when all 6'4 300 pounds of himself got bounced for revealing his backside during his turn at the mic to sing La Bamba. Yo no soy marinaro, soy capitan indeed.

Also, another thing I've learned this year? Black tops you throw in with the load of whites because you're too lazy to wash two loads? Those are probably the shirts to avoid when going out places with horrid, horrible black lights. Very sage advice, my friends.

However, in my defense, my boobies look really stunning in that top and the GN and I were planning on lip-syncing some Aretha at the club. One cannot properly lip-sync to Aretha unless tastelessly attired in a booby-revealing ensemble. Try it. It is a categorical impossibility.

On the job front, this has been the worse week ever. I was passed over for two various "promotion-type" thingies I requested and I still feel all yucky and rejected. I do not wish to discuss it.

Steven is still in his swimming classes, but I begged off on the parents tonight. I told them if they loved their grandson, they would really let me stay home to edit an epic love story for my romantic as all get out friend while they put some grandparent time in ohhing and ahhing at the kid's mad float boarding and cannon balling skilz.

Also, we are also very excited because while chatting with one of the docs at work today, I shared that Steven is now old enough and properly comported enough for his first ever trip to the SAM and she said that as a member, she had her own oodles of free passes, which she would happily give to us! We're off to explore buddhist scultures and the hammering man!

8:50 pm - 01.22.04
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