soapboxdiner

How low can you go?

I have nothing to say. Like, at all.

I've read two books and a seen slew of movies, I've experimented with new recipes and played checkers with the kid, and I have continued walking my 1.5 miles a day, five days a week.

Life is so immeasurably small, and in it I feel invisible. Nearly irrelevant, save for the little post it notes left throughout the house with adorable little messages like, "Thake you, Mom." and "I (heart) you, to."

I've cleaned every exposed surface around me, and now it just feels... lacking in things to complete.

I have had the most terribly throbbing head and the Pepto has been my biggest comfort so far this year.

Susan Neiman was on CSPAN this weekend, and said something beautiful. I wish I could remember her wording, as at the moment of its utterance, I felt the basic truth of it. Have you ever felt a truth that was so true that like the big bang, it gave meaning to every other particle in creation simply by its unfolding expansion?

But then when asked if she thought there was any moral goodness in the world, she took a long thoughtful pause and said, "Some days yes and some days no. But you have to hold out for yes or fall into a nihilist void."

I paraphrase, but how utterly depressing and true is that?

I think I need a new genre to meditate on, as this current one depresses even me, the girl who wraps herself in defeatism for the fun of exploring how deep it goes.

Blech. I now know why I haven't done this in so long.

See you all on the flip side, babies. Go on now, go have yourself some fun.

10:32 pm - 01.04.04
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