soapboxdiner

Swooning

So I'm driving down the road last night like doo de doo, right? Just like that - doo de doo, when my fucking gear shift doo-hickey kinda just, you know, FALLS COMPLETELY OFF MY STEERING COLUMN AS I'M DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD.

That was some cool-ass shit right there, babies. I love me some life endangerment ala my PIECE OF SHIT EIGHT YEAR OLD STATION WAGON.

So I call the folks when I got home to talk about X-Mas and shopping and dropping kids off places and running far, far away very quickly, right? Now, being the multi-tasker that I am, I am attempting to put my PIECE OF SHIT EIGHT YEAR OLD STATION WAGON back together at the same time as I'm talking to mumsie. Only, I'm cussing a lot and acting completely contrary to the image of sweetness, hope and light that we here all know.

Cuz the doo-hickey won't go back into the hole in the whatza on my steering column.

So the stepdad comes over. And there he is, bless his heart, with an industrial flashlight and a hammar, just pounding shit like a frat boy on free beer night.

And he gets it kinda half-way in, but not all the way right? Then he goes, TAAAfuckingDAAAA! Now don't be driving all crazy pulling on yer shifter, SBD. Just be easy on the girl. You womens just got to calm down and do it gentle like its a baby because otherwise you'll break it and me, being the big strong man, will have to come out and fix it again. So you just be gentle.

And, bless his heart, when I looked at him with my one twitching eyeball and glazed over expression of murderous rage - and then asked him for his hammar? He didn't even sweat it. That MUST be what being a true MANLY MAN is all about.

6:26 am - 12.17.03
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