soapboxdiner

Snarky broke and bitchy

I contemplated today stopping by diaryland at random intervals to document all the snarky thoughts that pass through my brain throughout the day but out of better judgment never utter. You know, write them out here as a socioscientific experiment of sorts.

But then I didn't.

Shame, really. I was REALLY snarky today.

So, little help here, people. See, I have this co-worker. She does this thing, you see; a thing I feel desperately compelled to correct - by force and floggings, if necessary. Here's the deal - see, she refuses to acknowledge that I'm smart and come up with some really fucking cool ideas all the time. Like, our software program purges every month and sometimes we have to retype whole documents if additional studies come in after the originals are purged. It takes for damned EVER to retype. So I said today, "Hey, why are we retyping these reports? Like this one right here, its 5 pages long. Forget it, I don't want to retype 5 pages to just add one sentence. Do you? I didn't think so. You know what I did?" I said, "I just copied and pasted it into our template building program. Now, when the addendum is ready, all we'll have to do is insert the template. BAM! Like 5 seconds and the whole report is back!"

I mean, it isn't rocket science or the cure for cancer or anything, but it's a handy trick nonetheless. So she goes, "Well of course we should be doing that." Like I'm an idiot for not thinking it up before and she's known it forever. Which she hadn't.

Then she's talking to one of the doctors and says, "We don't have to type addendums out longhand anymore. I've changed the procedure so we can just cut and paste."

Fucking bitch. Stealing my credit. EVERY TIME! Every damn time. There are others - much bigger and more impressive things I've come up with and instituted, but I shan't bore you all with the details.

But here's the thing... how exactly does one right this credit stealing wrong without coming off as a giant asshole?

"Um, excuse me Plagorizing Pam and Co, but actually that idea? Yeah, that was MY SPECIFIC AND SOLITARY intellectual property. I'm just sharing it because, well, I'm a team player like that. But if you want to thank someone or think they're nifty, well, be sure to praise me first and foremost, okay? Great. Thanks."

I mean, that totally screams, "Hi, I'm an asshole."

Gah.

In other upbeat news. My sitter just had her husband stop by with a note. Inside the pretty envelope decorated with pretty stamps and stickers is this note:

Unfortunately, I can't babysit for you anymore. I have to go get a real job because I'm divorcing my lying cheating husband and I have to go to work now. I'll watch your kid another two weeks, but then you're on your own, sister.

Damn I don't want to pay that extra $200/mo plus sacked lunches and shorter daycare hours (leading to less leeway in errands after work or ANY overtime ever again). Damn damn damn.

P.S. Me and the Good Neighbor started building the fence tonight. It was good times. Tomorrow night the step dad is to be over to measure and help shop for the remainder of the fence and gate apparatus. More good times. But at last, I WILL HAVE SNOOPY NEIGHBORS STARING AT ME AND TRAIPSING THROUGH MY YARD WITH TVs ON THEIR BACKS NO MORE! HALLELUJAH! PRAISE JESUS!

8:45 pm - 08.18.03
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