soapboxdiner

The one where the neighbors weird me out again

Hey! Remember when we were kids? Like, when we used to think that if we dig a hole in the back yard like - superduper deep? You know, probably - oh - 6 feet or something? And if we dug that deep, we'd go right through the middle of the earth and come out on the other side in China?

That was a really good idea, yo. Not that I have a thing for China or anything or feel some major yen to go there - but I think it WOULD be really fucking cool if I dug the hole anyway. Then cover it with some Clan of the Cave Bear twigs and grasses and leaves and shit. THEN, you know when the neighbors run through my yard at 10 o'clock at night, looking like ninja kung fu slinky black shadows with a stolen 32 inch TV strapped to their shoulders, they could FALL INTO THAT FUCKING HOLE AND DISA-FUCKING-PPEAR FROM MY LIFE FOREVER!!

People. For real. How many times do I have to tell them, don't be walking through my yard and through my flower beds? It creaps me out. Seriously. There's a sidewalk conveniently located three houses down. USE THE FUCKING SIDEWALK, WOULD YOU?

Christ.

So you can probably tell that the neighbors and I have butted heads again, right? So there I am, sitting on my couch with the Good Neighbor, watching Nefartiti Resurrected and shit. Minding my own business, really. It was a balmy type evening, approaching 10 o'clock so it was getting dark. Outside, there is a group of about 10 neighbors and their guests just loitering in the parking lot - probably strategizing about the next 7/11 they're planning to knock off or how to get the rest of their tribe illegally immigrated and up here into Trailer Court Wonderland or some shit - when a slinky black ninja kung fu shadow goes running around my yard.

HEY HEY HEY THERE, DUDE! STOP!

Huh what?

DUDE. WHAT THE HELL? THIS IS MY YARD. THIS IS MY HOME - MY HOUSE. WHAT THE HELL?

Oh sorry, I was just going home.

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY YARD, DUDE. YOU'RE CREAPING ME OUT.

Five minutes later, there he is again, running back through from the other direction and back over to the parking lot and his buddies.

Okay. This is just enough already.

DUDES, FOR REAL. THERE'S A SIDEWALK RIGHT DOWN THERE. USE IT.

What are you bitching, lady? That wasn't me.

WELL HELLLO! IF IT ISN'T YOU NOW, IT WAS YOU AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME - LIKE DAILY! AND YOU HAVE FOR YEARS!!!

(Giving me that 'but it wasn't mee-ee-eeee' lame ass excuse. Insufferable rude arrogant bastards.)

That's it, people. SBD is getting a fence. Preferrably electric, I think. Maybe with barbs, I haven't drawn up the specs yet. Or maybe a fun little six foot hole a la Silence of the Lambs here Precious *mwah mwah mwah* Precious? Give my Precious back you fucking bitch! Don't eat the chicken bone, Precious!

Or I know! Bear traps! Yeah! That would be cool! *Cue Besame Mucho music* Ai yai yai yai ya! Arriba Arriba! Andole cabron! Ven! - TWACK! - AIIIIIII my leg! It's gone!

heh heh heh.

Bastards.

5:57 am - 08.18.03
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