soapboxdiner

Insert your own witticisms.... here.

Bah. It's been nearly a week since I posted and you know what? I haven't even really missed it all that much.

Maybe it's summer. Maybe it's new and exciting things happening in my life that are only new and exciting to me (as I'm pert near sure no one else truly spends their every waking ((and a good deal of their sleeping)) time pondering the vast realms and minutia of my love/sex life).

Maybe the things I have to discuss, that I want to discuss, involve the privacy of someone else who's permission I do not have in regards to sharing the details of her life and our conversations. I want to protect and respect her privacy, more than I am compelled to make it all privately public here.

Maybe I just don't feel the enthuiastic need to share my every thought and action in here - as what once was a hobby I enjoyed for it's artful craftings has been worn down to mere essence, like time and water-beseiged stones disentegrate down to common, unlovely silt and sand in some far-off, unseen delta.

You see? Even the imagery causes one to shudder.

Eh. All it ever was about was having some fun with it, anyway.

So... things have been good here. Work is mind bogglingly busy and hectic. How oh how I wish I weren't a production worker. How I'd love to have the option to wile away the days writing journal entries and emailing friends. Or even taking a whole hour to enjoy scenic Cap Hill and the downtown district upon occasion. But it (almost) pays the bills, so it simply mustn't be all that bad, hm?

I was to have a date last Friday with Tupac Eyes, but he didn't return my 8 o'clock "um, where the heck are you?" call until 11, when he graciously offered to still get together for a drink and a movie at his house.

Um, no thanks, T.E. I'd rather stay home and watch the Sunday Night Sex Show on the Oh! channel. She's talking about how to get the "new car" smell out of rubber dildos. Everyone can use that knowledge, you know.

N and I had a talk tonight about lots and lots of stuff, again. Like we talked about how, secretly for a split second, she was really excited when I told her Big Immunocytochemistry Lab (to and from whom our office does much biz) solicited another resume from yours truly, as they have frequent new positions opening up all the time. (That wasn't too awkward a sentence, now was it?) Yes, N was excited at the prospect of me working elsewhere, as that would remove the hindrance of our working together from the equaion of our budding relationship.

I told her me too. I thought the same thing, briefly. And then, with a sigh, I told her my leaving this place of employment was not to be - yet. I must first rebuild in my resume something marginally resembling "staying power". So. There ya go. No job changing at this juncture - if ever (even if it does mean more money and freedom from the tirades of a mentally abusive supervisor). C'est la vie, dearies.

We talked then about how much information I want to have regarding her comings and goings. Do you want to know about... oh nevermind. I shouldn't tell you. No, tell me. Oh well, I was talking to my best friend re: that I am kicking it with somebody. No, it wasn't about you. What - you brought me up to your friend (who is also a work-friend of mine), but didn't tell her the person you are seeing is me? No, Carla. I told you we weren't talking about you - we were talking about someone else.

Oh. Didn't expect that one. Which is fine - we aren't committed to each other. But. But. Why did it only come out we were discussing a third person so late in the conversation? I'm not strangle-holding her social life, if she needs to be single now, I say bully to her. It would only be better for her to resolve one relationship and the ensuing issues before getting serious with someone else... even if that someone else is me. AND, who said I was ready to commit to her, you know? Geez, one step at a time here, people.

I don't know. The issue for me is not that she's kicking it with others, it's that she felt she needed to hide the fact. Does that make sense?

But it's all okay. These are the steps and talks that show us both where we are right now and hint at where we look to go for our respective futures. No matter the topic, this point in time is more about the ability, freedom, and comfort discussing any/everything. It's about deciding if we can have open communication. And I think it is fair to say that if we can discuss so many of the things we have, and voiced our opinions - both dissenting and agreeing - and still like each other -- then I think we are at a good place.

You see? Terribly boring stuff. But boring is feeling really great right now, and I'm kinda liking it.

10:37 pm - 07.01.03
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