soapboxdiner

The happenings as of late

I hate it when I transplant my perennials and they got all droopy later. That's just the worst, people.

Well, that and all the mud from the gardening (you know, the mud that DIDN'T find itself coating every inch of ME) did, indeed, kill the grass I had attempted to save with tarp. Just another reason to pave the area, I can tell. Every year I go through this. Get the garden in shape, kill all the grass. Spread more grass seed, get half of it in the garden. Spend the rest of the summer trying to get the grass OUT of the garden, proceed to traumatize and kill the lawn grass I actually want to keep. I'm thinking I just need to get smart and lay down the loot to pave it. If only I didn't have to dig up the whole freaking 7 x 4 feet of half dead sod to prepare the ground for paving. Ugh. This is NOT my favorite part of gardening.

In other news, I have finally recovered enough muscle-wise to actually move tonight, which means I'll shortly be off to buy the paint I need to finish off the kitchen. There are not enough adjectives in the English language to describe how much I want this all done. But every time I do *this* thing, it inspires some desperate NEED in me for *that* to happen as a compliment to the original *this*.

Kinda like the paving the garden project. You see how that works?

However, Marcus shared a BRILLIANT idea with me regarding what to do about the wall sconce. He suggested that rather than using it as wall sculpture or rewiring the wall right away, I should just take the bulbs out and insert tea votives to provide a lovely illumination within them. Brilliant, yes?

I thought so too.

Things between us appear to be getting freer and more comfortable. We joked and kidded and laughed quite a bit on the phone last night, but he still has made any initiating moves.

He did, however, say something that just sent my brain spinning and skidding. I don't know. It's feels almost like this exquisite torturous game playing that we're both aware of but neither of us will come out and mention. I have no idea what's going on in his brain. I need to ask him. I simply cannot be cool and leave it to play out. I can't. It's completely against my nature. I must know.

But we were chatting last night and he said, "You're predictable. I know what your next move is."

I asked him to tell me what he thought I have next up, and he said, "I'll tell you when you do it."

ARRRGGGGHHHH.

Just tell me. You're messing with me. I know you're messing with me. You're pushing buttons for a reaction. QUIT THAT SHIT OUT, MAN!

I called him Sunday night, but he was talking on the phone to his mother. I told him to call me back when he was free, but that call never came. Tuesday (his Monday) he emailed me to apologize and offered me a ride home. I told him no thanks, so sweet of you to offer.

So last night on the phone, when discussing something skirting the issue of "moves", he said, "Well, I offered you a ride. You're the one who said no."

BUT, I told him, it wasn't a genuine offer. It was an apology offer. He was tossing me a bone. I don't want his hand me down bones. I'm not desperate here. I DO SO have standards, of which guilt offers of transportation do not abide.

When and why did/do these things become some complicated? All I want is a date, people. I just want to get to know him better. One of us will have to lower the guard to make it happen though; so let the test of wills rage. Dammit.

And in typing that out, I have only one comment regarding the matter:

This is some silly, stupid, junior high drama, right here. Stoopid. I tell you this. Dammit. I hate it when I'm junior high.

6:26 pm - 04.15.03
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