soapboxdiner

The Curse of the Archons

You know what's funny? I shall tell you. Funny is how when you're by yourself, you tend to let things slip. Then you get with someone, and all of a sudden you are embarrassed by it and want to hide it, change it, do something about it. Why wasn't it important before, and if it's really not important, how come it bothers you now?

See, that's funny.

I think sometimes I say things that scare Inc. Like tonight when he was telling me about some issues his friend has having with his ex-wife. She did a no-no, and now the buddy is having to cope. Apparently this is how their relationship has been for the last decade since the divorce.

See, I don't get that at all. As much as I admire tenacity and perseverence, I really don't get the whole "Stay with someone who repeatedly and callously causes you pain" thing. You know, I think there just comes a point when for your own emotional health, you need to walk away. Cut it off cleanly and allow yourself to move on. I don't stick around to get repeatedly hurt. Sorry. I don't understand people who do.

And he got REALLLLLLYYYYYYY quiet. I guess it's a little early in our relationship for him to know that of course I know that relationships are work, and you don't just walk away over having your sleep-walking ass hit the 3:00 a.m. ice water cuz hubby left the seat up again.

He changed the subject and told me every time he shifted closer to cuddle me while I was sleeping Sunday morning, I responded with an mmm mmm mmm in my sleep. Then started snoring again. How embarrassing. But still, kinda entirely cute, too. I must like him or something.

So I've been reading The Gnostic Discoveries by Marvin Meyer. I am completely enamored by this book, but I think it's really one of those "you have to read it a couple of times to absorb it all" kinds of books. Those of you who've known me for a long time know that early Christianity and Gnosticism are my pet interests. I devour these books, have read the dead sea scrolls as well as many discourses on the Nag Hammadi codices, but this I am discovering is my favorite book on the subject by far. His discussion of these texts as wisdom literature is entirely lucid and powerful. Absolutely brilliant.

I find it sadly fascinating that for so much of the history in the common era has revolved around Christ, but yet we're still getting the message all wrong. My heart breaks that we are so distracted by orthodoxy and the whole political power play behind it that our spiritual and political leaders have turned our focus away from basic human morality and sense of goodness in deference to mass fear and hate-laden frenzy looking for evil and degeneracy in the absurb and trivial. On either side of the wake of that lie those either struggling against spiritual desolation, or contrarily living happily in moral exemption of any social consciense, with society's blessings.

Which surprises me entirely, since from the dawn of the written word, we have such beautiful, loving texts from so many early cultures written to aid and guide us all in a personal journey to join with our own inherent higher self, and thus with our creator. This not to consider ourselves superior over anyone else, but simply to find love and happiness and joy in life, and to share that with each other.

It boggles me that anyone can have the where-with-all to twist that beautiful, sacred desire into a device for control. If I think on it too long, it makes me really angry. So I choose to release that, and focus on my own spiritual development. Hopefully I am learning. Hopefully I am walking that path and sharing that beauty just a little, in my own small way.

But I still have a long way to go.

8:58 pm - 07.14.08
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