soapboxdiner

He doesn't see my gray

Last week I was all in a funk, couldn't quite place it, but there it was, right under my skin all week.

Finally, Saturday, I figured it out. Of all the guys I've dated, I've been the together one. But this time, Inc (short for Mr. Incorrigible) has all his stuff together. While that's fabulous and wonderful, it leaves me with the disquieting feeling that under the scope of his OK-ness, all of my Not-OK-ness with come screaming to the fore.

"I'm ashamed that I'm imperfect. It makes me want to run away scoot scoot fast, and hide from your sight, so you can't see my flaws. So please, just don't try to fix me, Inc. Let's just be OK," I said.

"I won't try to fix you, SBD. Just don't run away. Please. But if you really want to know the truth, I don't see you as broken at all. You don't need to be fixed," he replied.

And why do I share this old news now? Well, tonight at dinner, SIL and I were waxing relationship-osophical. Funny, because I hadn't told her about the conversation Inc and I had, but out of the blue she posited, "Everyone is broken a little. But if you're lucky, you find someone who fixes you. It's like we're all a pie with a sliver missing. Sometimes we find someone else who is that missing sliver. They don't NEED to fix you, because just by BEING, they provide the missing piece. So when they are together, they can look all around the perimeter of the you-pie, and they don't see a single thing that needs fixing, because you are whole with them and to them."

SIL makes a wonderful analogy, doesn't she? I think I will remember that always.

By the way, I think one day soon I will anty up for a Gold membership again. I oh so want my pretty design back in order. Actually, how long has it been since I've put together a new one? Two years? Three? Heh. I don't even remember how to write the code anymore, I don't think. It would be fun to do a new one. I'll have to ponder the next incarnation. But first, Gold.

11:04 pm - 07.11.08
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