soapboxdiner

Scooter

This morning The Boss and I had a breakfast meeting in the cafeteria. So there were were, making small talk and buttering our respective toasts when who should meander up to the cashier but the one and only Man in Scrubs. So I said, "Hey Boss! There he is! There's the guy I've been telling you about for the psat godknowshowlong! Isn't he just adorable?" To which she affirmed. Indeed, the Man in Scrubs, on the surface, is remarkably cute (except for his current "scrubby because I haven't shaved in four days" look, which does not impress me at all).

Then I shared. "You know, he called me last Saturday for the first time ever. Shocked the hell out of me. Then he was all 'I sure wish we could get together tomorrow.' all over the place until I finally rearranged my plans to meet up with him. So I went to his house to pick him up, as we'd agreed to go to the Market and tool around for a couple hours, except the whole time I was at his house, he just stared at me. So I was like, 'Okay! Ready to go now? No? Go get ready then. I'll wait.'

"Finally he got his stuff together while I stood flipping through his CDs and other various snooping type activities. So there I was, standing with my back to him when he came up behind me and thrust his groin against my ass! **shudder** I mean, what the hell is that about? Then he leaned into my ear and whispered in his huskiest voice... 'I don't have any underwear on.'

"Can you believe that? The hell? So I was like, 'Uhhh. Great. That's just great. I don't have any underwear on either. Can we go now?'"

And that ended my story, which The Boss found equally as befuddling as me. Men. Weirdest damn creatures on the planet. So we went back to discussing business when all of a sudden out of nowhere it came to me!

Do you know what the groin thrust reminds me of? It reminds of those little chihuahua dogs that run around spread-eagled, rubbing their little dog dicks on the carpet.

Like both dogs and (some) men need such constant genital stimulation, they go all undercover with the accidental dick brush-bys and the intentional hump-and-retreats. Freaks!

The Boss suggest that from now on we dub The Man in Scrubs "Scooter". Many a hearty guffaw ensued.

Scooter. That's freaking hilarious.

7:29 pm - 04.30.04
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