soapboxdiner

I am perhaps the most neurotic woman I've ever met. Ever.

Well damn. Know what sucks? What sucks is when your boss flips on you and starts riding you really hard all day. And then you think back on your week, what with getting in trouble, and leaving early, and then making a (very large) honest mistake that pisses the boss off like nuts because it's a stupid, avoidable mistake. So she rides you even more. And then your crazy, messed up, neurotically obsessed with pleasing everyone brain goes into freak out mode because you honestly believe that they all hate you and are conspiring to make your life miserable until the day they can fire you without it being an inconvenience to them or short staffing themselves in any way.

So you start to hyperventilate at the thought because then you will again be unemployed and unable to pay for the roof over your kid's kid, or put food in his tummy. And then you freak out some more because you remember that if they fire you, that means you most likely won't get a good reference, owing to the fact that they hate your fired ass. And so then when you try to get a whole nother job, they won't hire you either due to you not having anyone who will reference for you.

So you're good and freaked out on the inside, but you are sitting at your desk in the middle of your day when you start to cry out of fear and anxiety. But you try to trooper on because you don't want anyone to know you're freaking out over something you've fabricated in your own brain. So you keep working. And then the boss comes up to your desk and stands over you to ask you a question, so you HAVE to look at her. So you look at her and she sees your goddamned tears, so she takes you into an empty office and makes you talk and promises that the office will get together tomorrow to celebrate your birthday this weekend. But you think to yourself, Gee. That's sweet. But Busy Body Coworker and I aren't exactly on speaking terms right now, and so just about the LAST fucking thing I want to do is to pay out my ass for a sitter so I can go to some overpriced trendy spot that BBC likes, owing to her having more money than GOD, only to spend even MORE time with the one woman I can't STAND. Um, yeah. Thanks, but REALLY maybe not.

Heh. Brains are funny things.

9:29 pm - 04.15.04
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