soapboxdiner

Now that's what you call decisive.

So you know, I swallowed my fear of the boss yesterday. As irrational and real as it is. Honestly, the woman is 5"1 and all of 100 pounds, I could probably squash her like a misquito. Only, you know, she's kind of... political. And relentless. And for some reason (or maybe that is the reason) the high people love her and believe anything she says, no matter how far from the center of truth she spins things.

Of course, owing to the fact that five (four?) years ago the woman drove me from the job like I was damn Miss Daisy has nothing to do with my fear of her. Right? And really, how irrational is misery, poverty, and professional ruin culminating in another five (four?) years of instability and insecurity anyway? I mean, she's not a monster. She's just an itsy bitsy little thing who herself has singlehandedly had the highest turnover rate of staff in the entire department for the past five years.

Eh. I'm sure I'll get over myself sooner or later. If I were on a couch right now with my back to some bored, doodling would-be Freud, he would tell me I have "trust issues". I would then be forced to curse him under my breath because he'd be right. But I wouldn't admit that to him. Heh.

Anyway, so, last week she had me tally up the 2003 customer survey results we'd mailed out in December. Tallies in, it was marginally impressive. Something close to 99% of our customers said we met their needs - greater than half of that number gave us the highest score possible.

After I told her about the totals, the office went into a meeting, at which time I presented the staff with the results. I suggested that perhaps we could write something up and put it in the department newsletter. She said, "That's a good idea...that's just great. Another thing for me to do."

< insert SBD internal freakout right here. />

Besides, I don't particularly see her as a writer, you know? So I wrote something myself.

< insert SBD freakout right here, again. Is my writing this presumptuous? Will she hate it and tell me "not to waste my time on projects I was not asked to perform"? Will she laugh at it out loud and tell me it was stupid? (It would not be the first time that happened.) Will she think I've overstepped the bounds of my position and incringed upon her own? />

But I wrote it anyway, and emailed it to her yesterday. Were my fears actualized? Nah. She read it and then said, "Thanks. It's good."

Funny, isn't it, that I had the thing written in my head for five days, spent 10 minutes writing it out, spent all weekend biting my fingernails over how it would be received, and in three perfunctory words, she ended all that stress.

Sad, isn't, that my world of self-esteem hinges so heavily on the opinions of others whom I have only grudging respect for myself, eh.

Funny, that.

6:03 am - 02.03.04
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