soapboxdiner

Beware of the nose hair

I've wanted to write something real all night. I want to write a short story. I want to write an incredibly subtle and intuitive piece on life. Thoughts about this have been flying through my head all day. I want to write about the quirkiness of my neighborhood. I say that like it is some remantic burough in New York instead of a trailer park in the suburbs of Seattle. Honestly, I slay me. Sometimes I feel like a day in this neighborhood can be defined in just those terms though. Ripe and heady and bursting with every stage of life, like a Terrantino (whatever) movie or some shit.

(I'm really hungry right now.)

I went to the bar tonight, had three Jack & 7s, teased the nose hair guy for a laugh, and danced on my bar stool. Sure, some would find this to be over the top... But this is ME we're talking about. When I do this, it is not only completely acceptable, but cute and funny too.

I think I'll go to Jack in the Box for some late night grub. I'll be back.

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(ten minutes later...)

Hi! Did you miss me as much as I missed you? Not possible!

I feel much better now with an incredibly greasy cheese burger in my hands. I ask you, is there anything better than a a big slab beef at one in the morning?

HA! (I said beef! That reminds me of that old McDonalds ((or was that BK?)) commercial with the grandma. Where's the beef!?! (That is the question I have been asking for a year. I can only tell you one thing for certian though... I can tell you where the beef ISN'T.))

(Oh! The commercial on the radio is currently telling me that Chaka Khan is coming to my town! You wanna go with me? It's on the Riverboat Casino....)

(Have I mentioned that I've had a bit to drink tonight?)

(I'm liking these parentheticals tonight. Welcome to the way my brain really works in it's free form pattern.)

Annyyyway...

Nose Hair Guy. Do you remember him? Lemme see if I can pull him up from the archives here. Hang on a sec.

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DAMMIT! It was on the old site. Don't worry. I'm kicking my ass right now for deleting the whole damned 350 entries off that bitch in a fit of "Mood." I wanted to link to the really funny story about NHG. Mayhaps you can all settle for the drunken abbreviated version?

Nose Hair Guy is my neighbor. Fourty-something bachelor who spends his whole life in the bar and thinks he's still a catch. Nose nair grossly in need of a trim. It touches his lips! GROSS!

Anyway. Saw him at the bar tonight and went up to talk to him. Why, you ask? Because I get a strange kick out of him. How can I NOT adore a fourty-something loser with lip tickling nose hair thinking he's something? I ADORE these oddities in people.

(But only when I'm drinking. What?)

To reiterate... Any. way.

He was hitting on me! This he did by telling me there were several summers back when I was skinny that he wanted to DO ME.

Collectively, can we share in a moment of EWWWW!

Thanks. I feel better now.

He told me about his ex-girl whom he turned out. I seriously question his ability to even half-turn out a 90 year old nun. But isn't it cute that he thinks so?

We debated on why women are NOT EITHER like the Borg from Star Trek and the viability of the presumptions that women dance like they have sex while men "Handicapped by Whiteness" who cannot dance can still claim to be able to turn a young girl in her prime out.

I, at last, got him to do the White Guy Shuffle.

My night was from then on full and complete.

And as a final aside, do you want to know my favorite song lyric of the moment? Sure you do. I'll share with you.

Can't pay my rent, cuz my money's spent. blah blah blah blee blah blah blah. Got everything in my moma's name.. But that's alright cuz I'm still fly.

That's a dope song, dude.

(heh. I said dope.)

Mkay. I've danced. I've teased a man with nose hair. I've eaten a greasy cheese burger. It's probably just about that time to...

meet my lee'l fren.

No I'm kidding. But I saw a really great one recently. If you're interested... my birthday is in seven and a half months. Now isn't my gratified happiness worth your $120?

Yes, it was QUALITY. Because dammit, I'm worth it.

12:34 am - 08.31.02
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