soapboxdiner

He's too pretty

So, have you all been following the World Series? I have to admit, I'm really not a fan of sports. But being as I am my mother's daughter, I must watch - at least while I am at her house. Now I don't follow players, and I don't watch stats. I don't even particularly keep track of which teams are playing. It's a failing on my part, I'm sure. Usually I watch sports (currently baseball) like a girl. "Which quarter is it again?" and "Oh, that guy on the red team has a nice butt." Yes, this infuriates everyone but me. I would have it no other way.

So tonight we were watching, what, game seven I think? Yeah so we were watching and the camera cut to a face shot of the next batter. Big strapping man in tight-fitting clothing swinging a stick of wood around like a giant phallic symbol of his verility. He oozed manliness. All except one thing: ginormous diamond ear rings - two of them at least two karats apiece.

Now I know the whole men wearing ear rings thing isn't new. Men have been doing it since Cory Feldman questioned, "Which ear to pierce? Should I dress right or left?" And, really, men wearing jewelry is fine in my book. Some of my best male friends wear ear rings. Nothing to write home about there. But up until now, I don't think have I ever seen the practice transcend a hoop or perhaps a tasteful stud. Does this not detract from the image of studliness, this deliberate and somewhat gawdy adornment of man lobes? Is he not supposed to be spitting chew and scratching nether regions? He is not supposed to be accessorizing his baseball cap.. It all made me want to tickle him under the chin whilst cooing, "Who's a pretty pretty boy? Come on... who's pretty?" I mean, what's next? French manicures? Trips to the day spa? Personal shoppers?

I asked my mother, "Don't you think he would look lovely in an evening gown? I'm picturing something strappy with nice flowing, figure-hugging lines." So I came home and gave him some. I think he'd like it.

8:31 pm - 10.27.02
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