soapboxdiner

History is a hoot, isn't it?

Here's an odd and disturbing story on a wacky Monday evening for you.

Once upon a time back in the year 2000, way before any of you darlings knew me by written word or otherwise, I started an English 101 course online through the local college. I was top in my class - though I barely put any effort into it really as I was a full-time working single mom with lots and lots of priorities. But I wanted my Associates degree, if for nothing else than having it to attach to my Medical Admin certification. Hey, four classes taken at night and I'd be half-way through to a Bachelor's? Sounded good to me.

I'd been meaning to do it for two and a half years by that point. I only had six months remaining in the statute of three years post original graduation date to earn my degree. Four classes isn't too much, right? But when you are just beginning a career while focusing on being a mom, well, sometimes things just get put off.

Around about a third of the way through English 101, I got laid off from the hospital I'd made my professional home. I met my fourth "true life-long love". Have you ever had one of these? Everything in the world pales in comparison to what being with them offers. Only, he lived in North Carolina whereas I lived in Seattle. (And for those of you unfamiliar with US geography, the two are located on polar opposites of the country - something like 4000 miles apart, or roughly five days driving time.) But what is 4000 miles when you are discussing L O V E, right? Right.

So there I was, the top of my class, unemployed and in love with a man I'd never seen but knew intimately through ICQ. I will allow you to hypthesize in your brains for a moment what my Master Plan was. Ready? Here goes your three seconds of deep consideration:

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Right, so I dropped the class and decided we had to meet and get along famously in person. This, naturally, would prove adequate reason for him to move up here, work at Microsoft, and marry me - thus solving both the long-distance thing as well as my financial hardship thing. Never you mind that he made 60K a year in North Carolina as an IT person for a law firm.

So I dropped the class a third of the way through. He came up for a weekend, and I was met with... can you guess? Yes, that's right - much, much less than I'd pictured. But to be fair, I should let you in on what I'd imagined. You see, he was a self-made person. He was raised in a religious commune in the mountains of California. His parents divorced when he was young, owing to his father coming to his senses. Now I do not support a man off and leaving his family, but when a person is not allowed a life outside of missionary work, abstinence, and poverty in self-sufficiency, well hey. If he decides that isn't the path for him and his wife won't follow him? I suppose I can understand that. I'd assume that the wife would as well and as long as some fatherly stance was maintained in the form of nurturing and financially supporting the children.

But Mr. Love of My Life had a mother who'd sheltered him from reality for all of his formative years, and to make matters worse, she bad-mouthed his father endlessly to all the children. Cut the dad off, in fact. And so, my Love grew into a very bitter man who hated his father (the man who happened to have introduced my Love to me.)

Now all that history aside, I had pictured my Love as a reasonably well-rounded and stably-founded adult person. After all, he was secure and on his way to having a very lucrative career of his own making despite never having attended college or earning a degree in his profession. This I held up as proof that he was resourceful, intelligent, and mature. A good match for your's truly - a good yin to my yang, if you will. Logical where I am emotional, steady where I tend to be flighty, sociable where I am a bit to myself. I, in turn, complimented his own failings in relation to his father, his conservative politics, and his unworldly naivete. In theory, we were Dharma and Greg - Will and Grace. And as we all know, if it works on TV and on instant messenger, it is a cinch to work in real life.

Well, he came out. I met him at the airport and was to spend three "glorious" days, in person, with my Love. As I stood in the airport terminal, I watched as Pointdexter cum Erkle approached me. Oh no, this can not be. I cannot be in love with Erkle.

But overlook it I tried, despite my initial and admittedly shallow, superficial impression. We toured Seattle. I shared with him my favorite archetectural structures in the city, the Market, Seattle Center, our beautiful downtown, museums. We went to my church even. (At the time I was "religious" and attended regular, three-times-a-week services at the Assembly of God.)

In return, he gave me my first and to date only male-induced orgasm, took me out to dinner, and told me about the times (that's plural) he ejaculated in his own mouth.

Needless to say, I just COULD NOT continue to date him. Even the promise of life-long two-person climax could not detract from THAT little secret. And so, many tears were shed - mostly mine over my shallowness - and he went home alone. We spoke, painfully, only a couple more times. But mostly by that point, I'd been mean enough to ensure that it was terminally over.

The point of the story, if there is one, is damn, I can sure be stupid. I'd be half-way to my bachelor's now if I'd made a different decision then. Instead, I am only determined to become a college freshman in the spring or upcoming fall, and I haven't had a man in a year and a half.

Damn, but isn't hind sight a hoot? Remind me of that, won't you, when in the spring I start whining about how busy I will most assuredly be. You know, when I freak out and start thinking about forgetting the whole darned thing.

5:56 pm - 10.21.02
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