soapboxdiner

Down in the Shanti

Such an odd mixture of emotions right now. I don't want emotions - not these particular ones that make me unable to breathe, that make my chest feel collapsed. These emotions that make me feel impotent and trapped.

Today I said to myself, "Self, what do responsible civic-minded people do when they don't have professional references?" Naturally, Self answered with "Volunteering, dummy!"

So I looked into local volunteer opportunities. I really really really liked the idea of joining a team over at Shanti House, whose mission is stated eloquently with the words, "Change your life. Enrich another. Shanti volunteers provide one-to-one emotional support to people with HIV/AIDS, cancer, and other life-threatening illnesses."

I think I would be a great partner. I have this piece of me to give, to share understanding and support and friendship. It appeals to my need to be needed. To share the better part of me, to get to know that part of me again.

My one concern with making the committment would be what to do with Steven when I'm out. Without a job or money for a sitter, I could not be able to say for 100% sure that I could meet the time committment every single week. And one wouldn't think that 4 hours a week is much. In reality, it isn't. I can and want to give my time, but in order to do it, I have to find a person who can volunteer their time for Steven. Ergh. Frustration.

Perhaps I'm not in the proper mind set to think about this right now. The question is, when will I be? Perhaps I should get back on medical coupons - get back on some meds. Perhaps I need to suck it up, take a deep breath, and just get over myself.

Maybe I'll just find a more flexible organization to work with. Maybe Home Alive. I remember when they first opened their doors. I used to work with one of the founding members, when their main project was providing free transportation home from Seattle clubs. Being only 20 at the time, I wasn't of sufficient age to help then. I took their self defense courses though, once a week at the Chicken Soup Brigade's facility in South Seattle. Their services have changed since then, and now what they need that I have to offer would mainly be limited to clerical work - helping with mass mailings and data entry. Good work, absolutely; but a far cry from Shanti.

I don't know. I'll think about it more when I don't feel so... yuck.

6:01 pm - 02.09.03
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