soapboxdiner

Smatus

Words are sparcer now than they were in the high, early days of internet journaling. I come tonight simply to share here, rather than in other more public forums, how much I have come to agreewith Bhutan on the principle of happiness being the truest measure of worth to which a society can aspire.

To tell you a secret that no one cares to keep private (not even me), I recently began the process of applying to university. "Tell us all about who you are and why you think you belong here," it asked. And I labored to answer the question in the way all the best resources recommend. When I finished I looked back on my essay. I had worked hard on that letter. I had finnessed my very best into and out of it. Every word of it was true, and every word of it was completely wrong for me.

I sat in reflection over that essay and realized, it isn't what I want. No matter how complex I am prone to attempt to make the decision, in the end, it is as simple as four words: I don't want this.

So then the question becomes, "Why, then, am I here?"

It is the realization and reconciliation between our cultural expectations and values of status, money, and long hours spent toiling toward a commercial gain that holds us -- but more specifically me -- back from reaching for a more fulfilling, but less profitable goal.

Humility, pride, and a willingness to release myself from the shackles of How I Am Supposed To Be: As Defined By Society. Increasingly, I am coming to a place where I can separate myself from an unhappy and ill-fitting expectation and increasingly resolve to ambitiously reach for and peacefully reside within a self-defined place that has very little to do with status.

7:24 pm - 02.19.12
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