soapboxdiner

Bitch

Beautiful.

Profound.

IMPORTANT.

There, I've written it, and it is said in my words, have flowed through MY fingers. Made real by ME.

That's all I've ever wanted. But no melancholy today. Today I dream of waitressing, or cashiering in a small town grocery, or answering a phone for an inconsequential firm that has no great aspirations at Future 500-dom. No duty to reprimand people who don't give a shit anyway. No feeling like the heavy or being the person on the front line making shit up as she goes along; sometimes true and real, sometimes part "ethically" compromised. Just a girl, saying hello to her nieghbors, cracking a joke and feeling good about making them happy, giving them the thing they want.

That's all I want. That, and coming home still with a bit of emotional energy left inside to share with my son and with D00d. Energy enough remaining to think big thoughts and energy enough to share my meandering thoughts in creative ways, free from constraint. To read the big thinkers without falling asleep before my inability to concentrate overcomes me.

It's small. And back in the days full of worry over income security were possible. Now I have a wealth of responsibility and an almost-enough income -- and no where-with-all to be a whole and complete person outside of $$$.

Fuck that. But happy weekend anyway.

6:35 pm - 07.16.10
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