soapboxdiner


Feral



Went over to Mom's tonight for birthday dinner and a movie. Revolutionary Road. Seen it? Usually I scoff at Leo D. movies, but Mom's B-day, Mom's pick.

I'm still shaking. Those scenes where he's ready to hit her and they're screaming at each other and telling each other how they hate each other ...

Have you ever seen that look on person's face, Diaryland? Seen eyes you used to love fix and veins throb in someone's neck and felt their spittle spray on your face? Have you ever seen a person shake as they scream at you so you don't even recognize them, and it scares you to realize you don't know this person anymore or know what they're capable of doing to you if they lose control?

It's feral and it makes you question what could possibly provoke such strong emotion -- is it love or fear or anger -- but it doesn't really matter what the origin is, does it? No matter what, you're still in danger and the person in front of you is stronger than you are, and more wild.

That is how Mr. T looked the night he went to jail, and many others before that final night. But then again, Mr. T was always very near the edge. In my sleep, I still see the way he looked. I think I'll see it always, and hear his high-pitched, crackling voice pleading a case that would never have worked. I'll always feel the desperate, muggy hot/cold body heat being pressed against me and into me through his forced embrace, "Please, SBD. Please."

Secretly, sometimes I watch for a glimpse of it in D00d, but D00d isn't an angry or desperate man. Still though, I've seen the look in his eyes too. I wonder if that's the look of panic and fear. I think it's the worst and most frightening thing I have ever seen.



10:03 pm - 10.28.09
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