soapboxdiner

You were always on my mind

Ah, the sweet, sweet taste of ego-massaging. That's the best part of training. Because you warn people, This is a common error. PLEASE, email me if you aren't sure about something. Do it right away, because I don't want to have correct your ass all the way through 50 page documents. I don't. Just ask me. I'll tell you very politely -- I don't want to fix something that's written in the manual, that you've been told to ask about, but you didn't, and now this thing is due in 30 minutes and your ass is retarded.

Waa waa waa, "You're so busy though. I don't want to be a burden. And I feel dumb and I'm not doing good."

Well, you're not doing good cuz A) You're not consulting the procedure manual; B) you're not asking questions; and/or C) you're not paying attention to feedback. But don't you worry, I get paid to tell you things over and over and over again until I finally either convince you to do it right and you do, or your ass gets fired for being a dumbshit. Pick your poison, lovey.

So today the Boss had to fire someone I've been working with for 5 months. What a waste. And what's funny, Boss comes in to commiserate afterward. Man, I don't envy anyone for having to fire someone. But then she's all, "You know I can't do this without you, right?"

It's nice, but kinda weird. That kind of unprompted praise has to come from somewhere. Where's it coming from? I mean, it's not that I've done anything new or extra special. Just towed the same line I've been towing for a couple years now. Keep my nose down and my eyes open, try not to call too many people retards to their faces. So why out of the blue, praise?

Maybe she just was feeling bad and needed her conscience hugged and supported. You did the right thing, Boss. I don't know.

In other political news, I'm kind of in a pickle -- have a conundrum, if you will. There's a girl at work that started inviting me to lunch every once in a while. She's kind of abrasive and hard to get to know -- but once you gain her trust, she opens up and shows you that she just as really well-defined rules regarding being a good citizen and treating others with respect. IF she likes you. Otherwise, I have a feeling she's kinda ruthless. And of course I only see this now that we've gone to lunch a couple times and had a few non-business conversations.

But here's the thing. Boss hates her almost as much as she hates Boss. HATE. And I like her, and I can separate the two loyalties just fine -- even play diplomat cum devil's advocate between the two of them. But I can only imagine what the appearances are, and the questions our "friendship" raises about confidentiality and discretion, etc., in the Boss's mind. You know? Cavorting with trouble-makers and all.

And here's the thing. Co-worker's invited me to take some crafting classes with her. And she likes to dish, but the only thing we have in common is work. I can't dish with her about work, because I'm ... whatever. I'm not management, but I'm privy to confidential information.

Now I like her, but I don't think I trust her, and mama always said, "Choose your friends wisely cuz guilt by association is a bitch." Mama said, mama said. And who knows what she's capable of if the friendship ever soured, you know? We work together and she could ... who am I kidding. She doesn't like anyone else there to talk. But still, you never know, you know?

Now I'm all in the middle of a big ball of mess, and don't know how to extricate myself politely without hurting her feelings and having damage control to do at work.

Eff, man. Shit. How did that all happen?

Anyways. D00d found out that I journal, which I wasn't hiding, but this is my space -- and I don't necessarily want him here, reading about stuff I'm thinking before I'm ready to tell him in the way I want to say whatever. He's a smart guy, and he told me once that he tracked down an old girlfriend's online journal. I know he's smart enough to find this, if he really wanted to. Shoot, all he'd have to do is go into my history files, really. So now whenever I see an unknown Seattle IP on my site meter, I panic just a little bit on the inside. I have a lot of Seattle people who visit here that I don't recognize.

Weird and kinda oogy feeling, you know?

11:02 pm - 08.26.09
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