soapboxdiner


Rectification of Dumbeditudity and Reparation of Ergonomically Appropriate Apparati



I was attempting to find beginner information about recording macros in Word 2003 on the internet last night, to very little avail, before getting sidetracked into taking a 5-hour course in Virtual Basic.

I love this stuff. I can imagine all the great uses of forms and all the hours of design fun that can be had making great user-friendly interfaces that can populate automatically authenticated data into databases for everything from Hey Retard, Update Our Records Regarding Which Equipment You're Using -- all without me having to chase lazy, no-updating mutherfuckers down ceaselessly!!!

Doesn't that sound exciting, darlings? Can you IMAGINE all the possibilities as I can? Doesn't that sound like it will save me OODLES of hours of rectifying dumbeditudity? And just think! I can accomplish all that by spending OODLES of hours learning and building forms -- for FREE!

"No, no. Don't worry about paying me, Boss. I do it for the joy of learning something new that I can use to become a better, more valuable employee."

At least I think that's the practical use of acquiring this knowledge. I honestly haven't figured out the practical application part of realizing my dream of eliminating dumbeditudity from my work day. Can VB really do what I envision it doing for me?

(And by "me", I really mean "the company") (No, I don't)

I honestly don't KNOW if a VB form can be used to populate a dababase or spreadsheet -- the self-training tutorial hasn't seen fit to provide me with that pertinent piece of information yet.

Ah, the joys. And yet I remain ever optimistic.

But today I got to close my office door and brainstorm the procedures portion of the refresher course for 2009. This, too, has been designed for the purpose of extinquishing retardicity from my every day experience. It was lovely. I got all the way done with drafting two sessions, which incorporated thoughtful questions and guiding instructions on how to search a fucking pdf manual.

You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. Sigh for me, won't you, darlings?

p.s. The Birthday Blow-Out went swimmingly on Sunday, by the way. Everyone had a fabulous time. All the children piled into my home office to play Sims 2 on my computer -- despite the kiddo having his very own brand-new computer in his very own room now. The miniature retards broke the lock on the rocker mechanism for my chair. Thank goodness. So now every time I sit down to my computer to be a productive (or not so productive) computerizing individual, I fly backwards and nearly break my neck as my toes rocket upward toward the ceiling.

Fuckers.

Thankfully, I've trained myself to sit bolt upright without the aid of the ergonomically handy backrest.

Fuckers.

But D00d is coming over tonight for date night. And he wants to play with my (.)(.), so I might just smile sweetly at him whilst batting my eyelashes. Then mayhaps I will ask him in a very kind and sultry voice to inspect and/or repair said chair for me before bedtime.

Not that he really requires bribery before gifting me with his talents in mechanical repairs, but it's a nice way to build anticipation for hanky panky anyway. Call it foreplay, if you will. "Oh, my big, strong, manly-thing-knowing Honey is doing sexy and exciting man things for me. That's HOT!"

And only at 35 years of age does the thought of properly functioning back support become an aphrodisiac.

And with that, I bid you good night, darlings. May your backs be well supported.



6:01 pm - 02.17.09
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