soapboxdiner

I'm somebody else's mama, buddy. Go find your own.

I should be at work. I should be, but I'm not. Instead I am here, paralyzed, staring at a ream of legal and tax forms and between bouts of nausea, vertigo, and anxiety asking myself, "Where do I even begin?"

When I worked at the law firm, the bosses used to cluck tsk tsk tsk about the male clients. It seems, according to the bosses, when it comes to unpleasantries most men prefer the "If I ignore it, it will go away" tack. This stance might as well be called the Turn Around & Grab Your Toes position, because that's about as far as it gets you.

Why do I not have more energy going into this mod? I know why. I have plans for my time and money - and those plans point forward. In compiling all these papers, in anticipation of going to court... it feels like I'm being forced to look back - at him, at bad choices, at humiliation and strife and choas. I just don't want to be in those places any more. I've let that all go. So why can't he, and why do I have to be a part in his growth (or not) process?

10:08 am - 09.30.03
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