soapboxdiner

You spin me round round, baby, round round

Until this moment, since the last time my heart was truly broken, I have come to my lovers in infatuation. They have sparkled in their times, and then their luster has tarnished, and they have faded away. They never honestly touched me.

Today I kissed, and today I talked and laughed and was asked if I was ready to be open. Today I asked this person what that thing on my neck was, and she told me it was a pimple - did I want her to pop it.

Today she took away my glittering infatuation and asked me to replace it was something deeper.

And I'm scared in a way I have not been scared in many, many years. She is asking me to come to her as myself. She has asked me to see her honestly. She has taken away my infatuation and in it's stead, I know and don't know and want and don't want, to be what else I will have to be.

All that is good in me, all that is quirky and weird and unconventional - all that is bad in me, I have to be okay with letting someone else see fully - first hand.

And that is a very scary thing.

10:44 pm - 07.18.03
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