soapboxdiner

What was I thinking?

I have no idea what prompted that last entry. Have you ever just felt... rebellious? Like a provocateur holding it ('it' being the catch-all for whatever disturbing or odd entity of the moment) up and making people look, not because it's pleasant of funny or whatever, just because it's real and unreal and surreal and beautiful in it's ugliness?

Who knows. I blame it on Aimee Bender, who I am currently madly infatuated with because she makes my stomach queasy and my head spin and makes me want to run outside naked and start a fist-fight.

Which, oddly, are not things I put on my mental Attractive Characteristics List.

Kinda fun to watch though, hm? It's the whole train-wreck effect.

Did I mention that since the last update, my buddy list has declined by one? That's three in the last two weeks. Hm. (Quit it! okay? The trend is breaking my World Dominatrix Ego Trip.)

I found myself telling a friend this week, "Don't stop doing a thing you enjoy because you label it (and your self-quantified level of success at it) with the terms "good" or "bad." If it brings you joy, then do the thing for the joy of doing it. Don't dissuade yourself from your pursuit by telling yourself you're "bad" at it. Just do it because you like to do it."

Then I go to work and get all down and ready to quit because I sense every other person in the place is better at this job than me.

I hate it when I don't take my own advice - and I actively reject the quality in others. Don't try that crap with yourself at home, kids. It's bad for you.

Adjectives used on my numerology chart:

1. Compassionate.
2. Comforting.
3. Concerned for the downtrodden.
4. Naturally balanced.
5. Responsible (as in to take it when it isn't mine.)
6. Self-sacrificing.
7. Over-burdened.
8. Harmonizer.
9. Graceful.
10. Attracted to weakness.
11. Artistic.
12. Charming and Charismatic.

I find that both completely right and disgustingly off. But only on the bad qualities.

8:23 pm - 01.23.03
previous | next

Home | Archives | Profile | Notes | DiaryLand | Random Entry