soapboxdiner

In 2003

So it's 2003, and I (like so many of you) am thinking about the changes I'd like to see happen in the next year. I admit, change is a very scary thing for me - mostly because it means I have to extend myself out of my comfy little niche and face all kinds of unnamed "potential badness". Rarely does it matter that the potential for good things happening are vastly more numerous; it is the fact that they are also almostly wholy new or bygone for so long I no longer remember what living them feels like/means/requires in effort.

This year, I would like to:

1. Be a more attentive parent.

2. Grow a little more patience.

3. Let go of my baggage, i.e. Stop fearing being social with people who as smart or smarter than myself (meaning, those I tell myself will only too soon figure out that I'm really not that smart after all and that I've got the social grace of a drunk rhino.) But that voice will be silenced this year. I hope.

4. Actually live.

5. Call my friends when I'm thinking of them, and laugh with them more.

6. Lose weight? Oh, why not.

7. Go on a date with a person who I will have conversations with, rather than fearing they really don't like me and just using the opportunity they present as a means to have sex. This, though, was sparse in 2002. Namely, zero.

8. Get a real and decent job, and keep it.

9. Find beauty, humor, and joy more. Whine and complain less.

It just feels like time to set aside all this fear I've stacked and mortared around myself. Insulating myself. Though it may not be readily apparent in these pages (or maybe it is), in real life, I am too scared and tongue-tied to share the glorious and wonderful person that I am. And believe it or not, these are actually and really quite loftly goals for me.

Here's to making it happen.

Tomorrow is the blood drive at work. I will give a pint of my blood for the good of another who is in need. I may not have a lot of material things to offer this world, but this, I think, I can handle.

6:33 pm - 01.02.03
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