soapboxdiner

She had me with her loot

Eight pee emm tonight, my quiet contemplations were interrupted with a ring ring ring KNOCK KNOCK ring at my door.

I, being the happy socialite with a perpetual open door policy (right?), peeled the ole cheeks off the couch to go and open the door. I was met by...

"(Aha ha ha!) You'se got some compnee! I'se here to see you and tell'n you about the pretty lady speshul just for today. Oh my lookie here at thisun house. This be a nice house. This new?" blah blah blah Big tall skinny lady doing door to door sales.

After dismissing my initial looming sense of impending embarrassment over her first sentence (whereby the puzzle of what drugs I did in a former life that I could forget who this lady, who obviously knows me well enough to come to my house with the proclamation, "Compnee's here!" was solved) I realized it was a solicitor coming to my very home!

Now. I live in a 25 year old trailer. This is NOT the upper end burbs here. We keep it real, man.

But here she is, trying to sell me "As seen on Tee Vee" lemon oil cleaner. Like I said, we's keepun it real. So I let her continue.

"See's, all's ya gotsta do is 'loot this here lemun cleaner in some water, (as she sprays her wonder cleaner on the aluminum siding), and SHAZAM! Lookit dat! BAM! It's all like new!"

This, I tell you, impresses me mightily. There is a woman here cleaning my aluminum siding. Is she heaven-sent? I ask myself. Can she be persuaded to do more such works of wonderment?

"An' for sho, fo' one oh three, I let you be. I sell you dese tree bottles of Lemun Clean an' I come back and wash yo whole house like new."

-- and just so you know, the accent is NOT added in a fit of creative emphasis here. She really did talk just like this. --

Further talks happened. I tell her I am duly impressed with her work and her product, but I don't come easy out of my money, see.

So she, and I'm telling you - she was a marvel of modern day selling, proceeded to put two of the bottles away, replacing them with a spray bottle. She says, "You do Urban Youth Fundraisin? Cuz this all goes to the keeds, pretty lady. I tell you what. One bottle, thirty three. And I'll clean your house for you."

And she did.

I'm such a sucker for offers of domestic maintenance upkeep. I figured, watching her 'loot that bottle and wash my house was worth every penny.

10:46 pm - 08.14.02
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