soapboxdiner

Of all the things...

It's all been about realizations lately, hasn't it? Yeah, well that's apparently why I keep this thing so I might as well go with the flow, hm?

I am best in my angst. When there is trouble, when there is pain and sorrow to work a good fit up to, I am alive. I don't enjoy that about me - and no, I'm not blub blub blubbing away because things are well but tonight "well" feels an awful lot like a deadening of my senses.

But on the other side of my brain, I see myself enjoying this new not-angst time. I am finding more to speak and think positively about... is this a maturation? If only that positivity in thought and action would come more regularly instead of simply by happenstance. "Oh look at the pretty bird."

In my non-angst, I find myself waiting for something meaningful. And it's lack of appearance makes me sad.

Of all the things to be neurotic over, I'm upset that I'm happy.

I apparently need a pill.

7:14 pm - 08.08.02
previous | next

Home | Archives | Profile | Notes | DiaryLand | Random Entry