Soapbox Diner
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Tips and Tricks for your enjoyment |
12.09.07 |
It's Sunday morning, darlings. Do you know where your laundry is?
Kenny the Weird Neighbor came by yesterday, but I didn't answer the door. I pretended I didn't hear the door and then peaked out the window as he walked away. He got almost half-way home and then turned and looked longingly into my back yard. NOTE TO SELF: Build fence.
Well, that's if I'm lucky enough to stay. I've been running the algorithms and scientifically based mental computations, darlings. Did you know, if I were to get into a 2 bdrm apt, it would cost me roughly the same in penalty fees and atty fees and other unnamed but associated other fees, as it would to catch up and stay in the 4 bdrm house? Plus, it has covered parking, scenic territorial views of meth smokers and pot dealers, and a washing machine I can use whilst prancing about in my undies.
So I suppose I just need this bastard shrink to finally, FINALLY, finish up his report. We've been at this stupid process for what - 7, 8 months? JUST WRITE THE EFFING REPORT, DR. FREUD.
Jesus.
I did the coolest thing ever the whole history of coolness. I did! I wrote a macro for the newbies that would insert all sorts of briefs into their individual autocorrect libraries! Doesn't that sound ultra technical? Ah, jargon. No one knows what you're talking about, but you still sound like an ass!
So I wrote the macro and put it in the backup copy of normal.dot. Now they can just swap out their normal template, and voila! Run the macro and they have all these cool autocorrects added to their libraries and I won't have to correct stupid crap ever EVER again!
See, and you thought I was being magnanimous, didn't you? Ha, sucker!
Also cool, on the low I wrote a Tip: Avoiding the Run-On Sentence email and sent it out to everyone. Boss liked it a lot and said, "Hey, you know how there seems to be an epidemic of folks not doing their internet research? Why don't you write another Tip email on ways to find things quickly! It could be like a Tip of the Week!"
So I have it written up, just waiting for next week. Wanna read it? It goes a little somethin' like this (hit it!):
It's called Google, assholes. USE IT!
The End.
They're very lucky to have me. THEY ARE.
Anyways. I got some Christmas shopping to finish up, and a bajesus load of homemade Chex Mix to make. Plus I have to beat the kid and get him to use the vacuum. It takes a tremendous amount of effort on both our parts, but spiked eggnog seems to help.
Tah tah!
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