Soapbox Diner
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Regarding the Alignment of the Heavenly Bodies |
09.22.07 |
I think the universe is trying to tell me something. See I keep getting these "checks" from Large Credit Card Bank that promise me they will fix all my money woes. "Just cash this check and the money is YOURS, dear valued customer!" But then in the small print it reads, "25.00% APR, your first-born child, and the Prince of Wales are required before you can pay us off. Go ahead, try it, Lame-o. You'll never win. You are now and will be for forever more our MINION!!!!"
And then the little bit of paper in my hands actually and physically begins laughing maniacally at me in the most fiendish of ways. Very unnerving.
So, hands shaking with a much loathed fear of my current state of poverty, I keep shreading these "checks". Way inside in my mirky inner workings, I know that if I were to cash this "check", all my problems would be SOLVED! At least until next month, when I got that 5 gazillion dollar bill from Large Credit Card Bank.
Man, I hate that.
But today, the mailman - he rang twice! No, seriously. He totally rang the bell, knocked, and then rang the bell again. Ominous, yes? So I answer the door and there he is, all convivial and shit as he hands me a registered letter from my bank, and one of these lovely "checks". Now I know what my bank wants. Silly fools want me to pay the mortgage. Pish, is what I say to them. No fun in that.
But to get it registered, in conjunction with a "check"? I don't know - have the stars aligned? Is Mars in Sagittarius? I don't know! But I find it awfully convenient for some supernatural force out there to actually hand me a Very Large Bill with a Very Large Check on the same day.
Yes, I totally think there are powers at work here, darlings. And I'm not even superstitious.
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