Soapbox Diner: Kiss Myself

Soapbox Diner

Kiss Myself

09.19.07

Hello, darlings. Long time no talk to you. So anyways, I painted the whole damn inside of the house not too long ago, and in the process said to myself, "Me, we should move the computer and all the fixin's into the spare room." So I did, and I love it. I truly, truly do. But see, the thing I really, really hate is setting up computers. I hate all that crawling on the ground with wires and cords business. So I refused to do it for, oh, two weeks. Not gonna do it, I said to me.

But then I did, and it was cool. Only I couldn't get the intraweb up and running, and my modem kept blinking at me like it couldn't believe I was this retarded. So I crawled on the ground some more, hit my head on my desk, and cussed. Probably not in that order though.

Anyways, after all the crawling around and still no intraweb, not to mention suffering the snickering modem, I finally called the phone company and queried, "What the hell, asswipes?" Grr.

"Is your computer plugged in?"

"Why no, Madam Can ANYONE Understand You Through Your Thick Accent. I do not have my computer plugged in. Nay, and nor would I have thought to check before paying 411 for your number and waiting 30 minutes to talk with you. What a brilliant troubleshooting tip!"

Le sigh.

But I'm back now! And life has otherwise been grand, darlings. I've been back in action with the foster care licensing process - taking oodles of time off of work to engage in the psychological and parenting evaluation they requested. Last Thursday was my last official eval appointment. It was with me, Steven and the shrink. We played Sorry! for an hour, and then I gave him $100. That was most likely the most money I have ever spent in my whole life just to play a game. I figure, if you're gonna be spending that kind of money to play, at LEAST one of the following should happen:

1. You're getting drunk.
2. You're getting laid.
3. They let you win.

Sadly, none of the above occurred. Which is totally surprising to me, seeing as how I was with the kid hanging out with the shrink who was evaluating me to be a foster parent. Go figure that one, huh?

Anyways, so the kid started middle school last week, too. He's in the Advanced Placement class, has his very own locker, and has to shower in gym class. Might I just say, Hahahahaha! Sucks to be you, naked in public boy! He's OK with it though, which totally took the wind out of MY sails.

He joined the Builders Club, so he gets to hang on after school on Wednesdays and plant flowers in front of the old folks home and stuff.

Volunteering? My kid? My suspicions that he was switched at birth have now been solidly confirmed, I'd say.

He's going out for VP of ASB, too, he says. "But Mom, I don't think anyone would vote for me!"

"Oh, you'll be fine. I'm sure lots of kids will vote for you. Plus, if you want to be a zoologist like you keep telling me, this will be good experience to have on your college applications. Smart people love all that leadership and volunteerism shit."

"OK. Well, I have to come up with a reason for them to vote for me. I have to promise them something they want!"

"Holy crap, kid! Didn't you see Napolean Dynomite? All you gotta do is dance, baby, dance! That, and wear moon boots."

I'm sure he feels much better now. These kinds of chats are very helpful for him. I told him it was that, or promise to lobby for map reading classes in school.

In other news, my boss came up to me a couple of Fridays ago and says, "Hey, can you look into building a web-based employment application process? Yeah, have that proposal to me by the middle of next week."

Holy crap! *gulp* "OF COURSE I CAN, BOSS! I am totally all over that shit!"

Inside? Again, and I reiterate, holy crap!

So anyways, I did, and I wrote up a proposal and submitted it. It would automate the entire process into a user-end oriented skills assessment and information gathering format that would sort applicants into categories, test, and bundle the entire package before emailing it to either one of two hiring managers.

So I attached the proposal to an email, and filled with trepidation, I clicked send. Then I waited, and waited, and waited. Like two weeks, I waited.

In the meantime, last Friday, the bookkeeper comes into my office and gleefully hollered, "Organized walk out! Come on, get your purse, we're goin' to Starbucks!" So I did, as did all but two of the office staff and management. Which was totally weird, because the company is all about teambuilding and togetherness.

So anyways, the bookkeeper forks up the moola for some coffees, and we all sat around at Starbucks. I told them my favorite dirty joke, we all guffawed appropriately, and then we went back to work.

When we got there, the VP and my boss called us all into the conference room and proceeded to announce that the company is going to automate all of our jobs. Oh, and by the way, we downsized two positions and we had to let office workers X and Y go. But don't worry, the rest of you, whom we value and feel are assets we want to grow with the company, will be given new and exciting, challenging functions once the automation is completed.

*gulp*

Frankly, I have no idea what that means. Seems to me that "new and exciting, challenging functions" is a little ambiguous. But I guess I'm not really in that loop anymore, as I moved up into training. But still, *gulp*. Rumor has it that the folks it DOES affect are scheduled to meet with the VP on Monday to discuss what it means for them. So that's cool, I guess. I mean, it sucks for the people who lost their jobs, but as Boy Wonder said, "It kind of makes my life easier." See, shhh! Him and one of the laid-off gals are dating.

Isn't it just a soap opera sometimes, darlings?

Anyways, so that came and went. The department was restructured and my boss got a new job title. She now oversees every damn last company employee save the bookkeeper and the independently contracted IT and HR people. That's pretty cool for her. She's awesome at her job, and it will make her job a lot easier - not having to wade through the muck of filtering her feedback through different department managers.

So anyways, with all that out of the way, the VP wrote to me Monday and said, "Thank you for your proposal. It was very well thought out, comprehensive, and professional. Kudos to you! Please begin implementing the steps as you have them outlined. Let's plan on meeting with you, me, and the hiring managers mid-stream to go over what you've developed."

Holy crap! So I'm feeling mighty big in the breeches right about now. I'm such a rock star, I could kiss myself!

Who links to me?

sbd v. 11 @ 2002-2007