Soapbox Diner: What's your damage, little girl?

Soapbox Diner

What's your damage, little girl?

03.19.07

Resubmitted with additional entry below:

Funny. I've been talking to a couple different mortgage brokers recently; my tried and true one, and another wholesale vendor. I say funny because I was just getting ready to write T&T off because I wasn't hearing anything from him in a timely manner to which I feel I am due. Namely because I do not feel inclined in any way, shape or form to chase a person down to give them thousands of my hard-earned dollars in escrow. Sorry, ain't gonna happen, dude.

So I was talking with another guy. He cold called me outta the blue one day, and me, feeling just spunky enough to challenge the man to take up my less than stellar credit and whatall, asked him quite saucily, "So, what exactly do you think you can do for me?"

And he had a ready, if overly well-rehersed, answer. Actually, we talked for quite a number of hours over the past two weeks. I'm not gonna use him though. I got my man, T&T, bringing home with bacon - and he isn't gonna get a dime out of the deal. That's how much he loves me.

Anyway, so I'm talking to WSV one evening, and the conversation evolves into a discussion on how he and I have something in common - namely a house purchase made with a partner who quite quickly left us both high and dry. The thing, though? It was the way he phrased one little, innocent-seeming question, "Why would a guy leave a girl like you?"

Excuse me?

Anyway, I know it was just a question and there was no untoward motivation behind it, but geez, ya know? That question kind of implies something I don't particularly like. It nearly screamed to me, "What major inherent flaw do you possess that finally drove the man to leave you, running and screaming?"

I dunno. I could just be really sensative right now. And it wasn't like I was willing or prepared to give the man a detailed description of the way the relationship ended. I mean, what's the right way to respond to that? Do you briskly respond by saying, "That's none of your damn business, bucko," or do you crack a joke, "He got tired of me spending all our lotto winnings on getting my back hair waxed." Or do you just sound completely arrogant to a man still smarting from a 10-year past breakup by saying just what I said, "I dumped his sorry ass after using him for my selfish ends." Yeah, good one - sound completely pompous the man you want to score you a great deal on a new mortgage.

Anyway, I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end, because I'm not gonna use him. It was just the question, you know? I was just wanting to see if we could do business. I wasn't prepared to quip with him. That, after all, is what a girl saves for the night club when Mr. Wrong asks her for a date.

Just got off the phone with Mr. T's sister. The arraignment was today, which I did not attend. My advocate did not return any of my phone calls, and apparently she didn't read my letter to the court either.

I just found out that the Prosecuting Attorney has formally charged him with Rape 2 and Unlawful Imprisonment. Based on the nature of this offense, if he is found guilty, he will accrue two strikes, on top of his already existing strike. If found guilty, he will be imprisoned for LIFE.

LIFE.

Dear God, this is SO not what I wanted. Say it with me now . . . the man that I've just spent the past several years with gets mad because I tell him I don't love him anymore and want us to go our separate ways. He rips my clothes off of me into shreads. He puts all his body weight on me when I struggle, and he pins me down by the arms and legs so I can't move. He covers my mouth so my son won't hear my screams for help. He spits in his hand and rubs it on my privates and does his business in me. He finally lets me up.

I run out of the room in tears. My son sees his mother naked and crying. We both, on seperate phones, call 911. I go to the hospital. Mr. T goes to jail. He's charged. His bail, originally set at $100,000 is raised to $250,000, and he faces the chance that he will never again in his LIFE, ever be free again. EVER.

Does that sounds like an appropriate punishment? I don't know. I don't think that sounds equitable. Maybe I'm just still co-dependent on him. Maybe I still care. I don't know. I've been so relieved since he's been gone. I've felt like myself for the first time in two years. I've felt free. Is it fair to trade one person's freedom for another's? I just really don't know.

Who links to me?

sbd v. 11 @ 2002-2007